Well, turns out that just like the running, some days the writing won't come together either.
So be it.
One bad day isn't going to kill me. Obviously, or the book would have been dead, buried, and decomposed long ago. I won't lie. It's kind of a bum out when you have your rhythm going, the characters are just Chatty Cathies going on and on about their mythic existence, philosophising, mourning, laughing, smoking, whatever, easily exposing themselves on the page as my fingers hunt and peck like little hot flames across the keys and then poof. Nothing. It doesn't feel awesome.
Today I spent the writing hours grinding the gears. Type and erase. Seek and destroy. Catch and release. Cliches and bad structure and bullshit flowery camouflage. Too much? Must be time to visit Facebook. Have some fruit salad. Watch the new Gaga video. Get a little space and go back. Nope still sucks. Push through it anyhow. Let yourself write crap. Do it. Create the mediocre blather that gets to the next place. Don't quit. It's cool, man. Part of the process.
Something about all the running has let today NOT be a tragedy. I think all those times I walked or cut out or quit taught me something. I feel like enormous goals have room to fail. In fact, I think part of that process means there is a necessity of failure within it. And those failures have room to be steps on the way to success. So today, instead of dragging the mean girl out, I actually feel okay about the rough ride. I got some good ideas about plot out of if. I like the basic place I got to. And I may return to try again after my five mile run. We'll see how that goes.
Speaking of that, including today's five miles, I am scheduled to run 242 miles before the marathon on July 25th, 2010. That means I could run all the way to Reno, lose my ass at a craps table, and still get back to Trukee before I had to start hitchhiking. I love Reno and Tahoe, by the way. But I honestly can't believe I am a woman who could trek there by foot. Turns out I am.
I am woman.
Hear me roar.
A long slow meow of a roar.
Love,
Sara Elise
Just this weekend after a run a friend of mine and I were talking about the paralyzing fear of failure (specifically about businesses we want to start). It's so much easier not to try, or stop prior to the end, and you therefore don't fail. Bad relationship? Preemptive break-up. Scared to bare your creative side? Don't show anyone the jewelry you make. (Dang, that sentence was hard to write.) And you're right - what's the worst that happens when it doesn't go right? You've still got health, love, peace of mind, and awesomeness. Now why did it take us 40 years to figure it out?!?
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